A guide to being gay-What’s Good about Being Gay?: Perspectives from Youth

The other day when I tweeted my distaste for the latest Kylie Minogue single a form of sacrilege in some circles one of my followers replied with one of my least favorite phrases: "We're going to revoke your gay card. There's no such thing as a gay monolith. There are as many ways to be gay as there are colors in the rainbow now who is being easy and glib? Dishing out gay cards is like telling people they aren't allowed to be gay because they haven't seen the requisite number of Glee episodes. Gay men and women don't share a place of origin, skin color, socio-economic class, religion, or anything else that would typify their experience.

A guide to being gay

For example: Ricky Martin is an out pop star from Puerto Rico. I never felt that I was a girl or wanted to be a girl. Examining lives in context: Perspectives on the ecology of human development. But nope. But it's essential. I think guidw my child might be LGBT. Y Yearning Oh God, the yearning. The first step in data analysis involved a reading of all interview transcripts in order to increase A guide to being gay with the data. R Rush This is a little red n' yellow bottle filled with poppers. You can also buy gsy from pharmacies and supermarkets.

Reebok freestyle fetish. What's in my area?

Guidr Beginner's Guide to Submission. I'm so glad you finally get to meet her It is sometimes used to refer to individuals, as in "he is a gay" or "two gays tl there too," although this may be perceived as derogatory. These are arbitrary social constructs. While retaining its other meanings, its use among young people as a general term of disparagement is common. Treatments to A guide to being gay sexual orientation that were common in the s and s were very damaging to those patients who Bordeaux vintages them and affected no change in their sexual orientation. A Anonymous Aug 28, When another character asks about his robe, he responds, "Because I just went gay all of a sudden! Some things are easier to try than others, so make sure you find a partner or A guide to being gay partners who is up to explore it with you. It is something that is simply a part of beingg being, and not something you can change. It is amazing, thinking I would like to have a partner for life.

Adolescence is a developmental period where young people are maturing physically, emotionally and socially as they transition into adulthood Erikson, ; Hill,

  • If you feel very attracted to members of the same sex or both sexes but struggle with accepting that fact, here is a guide to help you.
  • They just won't be able to come to terms with that for, like, 10 years because they hate themselves so much.
  • Takeaway: The fantasy of being ordered around, spanked, and generally coerced to perform sexual acts can seem thrilling.
  • The other day when I tweeted my distaste for the latest Kylie Minogue single a form of sacrilege in some circles one of my followers replied with one of my least favorite phrases: "We're going to revoke your gay card.

Adolescence is a developmental period where young people are maturing physically, emotionally and socially as they transition into adulthood Erikson, ; Hill, Unfortunately, much of the extant research on LGB adolescent developmental factors has had a primary focus on traumatic life experiences such as victimization, harassment, and rejection, and the subsequent negative impact of such events on mental and physical health outcomes c.

Although the documentation and examination of various challenges faced by LGB adolescents is critical in helping researchers and practitioners to improve the life circumstances of LGB youth through different types of intervention, it is important to also highlight the strength and resiliency demonstrated by many LGB adolescents.

United States U. Unfortunately, federal U. Such studies suggest that outlets are not being provided for these youth to explore their identities and allow for a healthy and positive development. Data from multiple studies have demonstrated higher rates of verbal and physical victimization experienced by LGB adolescents as compared to their heterosexual counterparts, and the negative effects this victimization has on their physical and mental health c.

Few studies have specifically focused on strengths and resiliencies among LGB youth. Interestingly, the study also highlighted that some of the participants who were open and proud of their sexual orientation simultaneously experienced feelings of ambivalence regarding their identity. These youth expressed the difficulty in constructing a positive sexual orientation identity in the context of highly structured cultural and societal forces that give privilege to heterosexuality.

These findings highlight the challenges LGB youth face in maintaining resiliency while having to actively counter hetero-normative pressures and oppression. The authors assert that even though these young men were living in a hetero-normative Puerto Rican culture with pervasive homophobia and cultural stigma, they developed resiliency strategies that helped them to overcome potential obstacles. The development of strong ties with members of their social support network in order to assist with integrating their sexual orientation identity with their Latino identity and the ability to adapt to changes were noted as key strengths exhibited by the youth.

While continuing research is needed on the developmental challenges faced by LGB adolescents, especially those who are also members of other oppressed groups such as youth of color, a parallel line of scientific inquiry is also needed to explore the strengths and resiliencies demonstrated by LGB youth.

This approach provides a general structure for discussion regarding sexual orientation identity but requires participants to provide their own terminology and definitions based on their life experiences and perceptions, thus avoiding the limitations of researcher-imposed terminology and concepts. Participants for the present study were 63 male youth who self-identified as gay or bisexual and were between ages of 15 and 22 at the time of recruitment.

All participants were recruited from Chicago and Miami community-based agencies and venues that target non-heterosexual male youth. Recruitment efforts were conducted by an ethnically diverse group of undergraduate, graduate, and Ph. Once eligibility for the larger study was established, youth who expressed an interest in study participation completed a self-administered questionnaire in a private setting.

Informed consent was obtained before participants took the self-administered questionnaire. Demographic and quantitative data from the questionnaire were used to create a purposive, stratified sampling frame for the qualitative portion of the larger study.

The specific sampling stratification factors utilized were selected in accordance with the multiple identity development focus of the larger study; thus other potentially meaningful factors such as socioeconomic status and educational attainment were not used to create the strata.

Sixty-three qualitative interviews were completed. Data for this study primarily came from the section of the interview focused on sexual orientation identity, although other sections of the interview did offer pertinent data. For each identity area, participants were first asked to define their identity using their own words and conceptualizations.

They were then guided through an in-depth exploration of factors that have influenced each specific identity development. Within these areas, youth provided accounts of their experiences. However, they were also encouraged to discuss additional information that was not covered in the interview guide but that was personally relevant in their identity development.

The in-depth interviews were conducted by an ethnically diverse research staff of self-identified, non-heterosexual doctoral graduate students and Ph.

All interviewers were trained by the primary investigator on all aspects of data collection, including rapport building, administration of the semi-structured interview, and debriefing. The interviews took place in private offices at the community recruitment site or the sponsoring university, depending on participant preference.

At the end of the interview, all participants were debriefed in order to follow up on any statements made during the interview that may indicate psychosocial distress, and to allow for any questions or comments by the youth.

All interviews were audio taped and later transcribed by a professional transcriptionist. Unique identifiers, rather than names or personally identifying information, were assigned to each interview in order to protect confidentiality. The first step in data analysis involved a reading of all interview transcripts in order to increase familiarity with the data.

Marginal notes and preliminary thematic codes were then created based on the initial patterns observed. When an initial set of codes was developed, the list was used to re-examine the data to ensure validity of codes.

Old codes were amended and new ones were created, and transcripts were re-examined and recoded where necessary to ensure that all transcripts were coded accurately and completely. The data were entered into the computer-assisted qualitative data analysis software QSR NVivo to facilitate data storage, coding, and organization. Data matrices were also created as visual representations of the findings, and to assist with the identification of critical factors and emerging themes.

Names of participants are replaced with a pseudonym to protect their identity—all age, ethnic identity, and sexual orientation labels listed are those reported by the youth. Within the theme of flexibility, three sub-themes emerged— sexual flexibility , environmental flexibility and gender flexibility. With regard to sexual flexibility , bisexual young men described the ability to have sexual relations with both males and females. Um, positive things?

I don't know. I get to like girls and boys, I guess. Um, I have to classify, I really have a problem with classifying myself. Like that's really an issue with me. I don't like to be classified as one thing, because then it doesn't really make you who you are. It's kind of this blending with the rest of the people. Justin, 18 year old, multi-racial bisexual male. In this aspect, the participant gained strength from resisting stereotypes associated with sexual orientation classification.

He felt that by not identifying as gay or straight, he was able to be himself around others. Another aspect of flexibility discussed by participants was the concept of environmental flexibility. In this sub-theme the young men did not discuss the need to escape from unsafe spaces, but rather emphasized the benefits of visiting places specifically tailored to LGBT youth. Well, I really think I'm really lucky when it comes to that. Like there's just so much available now that like I really like to utilize.

Like there's so many organizations, like I go over to [ name of agency ] and there's gays everywhere. And um, there's just all, there's dances to go to. I love to go dancing. And I mean, it's just like if you like really sit down, like count your blessings, there's so much out there that I'm really like grateful for and like that I really am lucky to have available to me, like when it comes to in terms of like things that are oriented for my sexuality and for people that are like, and for places that I can go and be safe, doing whatever, and stuff like that.

That's very important to me. Paul, 16 year old, Italian gay male. A third sub-theme, which emerged as a positive conceptualization, was gender flexibility. Participants who discussed gender flexibility reported the ability to experiment with gender roles. Specifically, the youth spoke about their ability to display both masculine and feminine traits. You can kind of be who you are and not have to worry about um, being masculine or being ah, a stereotypical man.

Michael, 22 year old, White gay male. Similar to the example on sexual flexibility, this participant utilized a strategy of resisting stereotypes specifically associated with gender. Many of the adolescents who spoke about gender flexibility offered their views on the concept of masculinity, and how being a man has been constructed by society.

Individuals whose responses reflected this sub-theme expressed a sense of freedom, as well as a sense of strength gained from rejecting stereotypes associated with being a man. The second major theme identified as a positive conceptualization was connectedness. Participants focused these internal messages either on being connected with females or connected to the gay community. The youth who described a connection with females emphasized that females generally find gay men trusting and valuable in providing emotional support, as compared to heterosexual men.

Well, I mean, there's a lot of things. Um, um, which is a plus, because I'm kind of gonna be that rock in a way, like they can come to me and talk to me about stuff. Sean, 21 year old, Eastern European gay male. Another participant who commented on connectedness with females argued that the reason for this closeness is the fact that straight men typically befriend women for sexual purposes, while gay men do not.

Some youth expressed a sense of connection to the gay community. They discussed feeling connected to other individuals who had gone through similar experiences and their ability to bond through hardships.

Participants also expressed the ability to form social support groups with other gay people. Positive things about being gay? Um, it's, it's very easy to, to, when you do find somebody that is, that is very similar to yourself, it's very easy to find a connection with them because they've endured a lot of the same hardships that you have and, and you, and it's easy to talk, I feel like it's very easy to talk to somebody else who is gay, because they've experienced a lot of the same things that I have in coming and developing their identity.

Patrick, 20 year old, White gay male. Participants expressed their resiliency in four ways, including acceptance , self-care, rejection of stereotypes , and activism. Inherent in many of the themes and sub-themes in this section is the acknowledgement and confirmation that these youth have experienced various forms of oppression and marginalization related to their sexual orientation, but they demonstrated resiliency and strength in the face of these negative forces.

Youth who discussed messages of acceptance either centered their responses on self-acceptance or acceptance by others. The youth who described self-acceptance argued that exploring their sexuality allowed for the opportunity to be who they are, which resulted in greater feelings of happiness.

Um, positive about being gay? Ben, 20 year old, White gay male. Several of the youth reported acceptance by others as another form of resiliency. Now the positives, like my friends and stuff, they're the ones I kick it with, them, I'm acting like, okay, we gonna go, we gonna go out with him and we just gonna have fun. We gonna enjoy ourselves, to go the movies, go to whatever, go out to eat and stuff like that. They don't judge me… Chris, 23 year old, African American gay male.

Participants also acknowledged self-care as a resiliency strategy. Those that stressed the importance of self-care discussed the need to take care of oneself on both an emotional and physical level. This often resulted in increased vigilance around homophobic individuals. And be careful. Be responsible with it.

Use good judgment. June Far from implying homosexuality, it referred to her free-wheeling lifestyle with plenty of boyfriends while also punning on Lady Jane Grey. Visit the Aids quilt Aids nearly wiped out a generation of gay men. Understand that a person who is gay is no different from any other person. LiveAbout uses cookies to provide you with a great user experience. There is little doubt that the homosexual sense is a development of the word's traditional meaning, as described above.

A guide to being gay

A guide to being gay

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If a person engages in sexual activity with a partner of the same sex but does not self-identify as gay, terms such as ' closeted' , 'discreet', or ' bi-curious ' may apply.

Conversely, a person may identify as gay without having had sex with a same-sex partner. Possible choices include identifying as gay socially, while choosing to be celibate , or while anticipating a first homosexual experience. Further, a bisexual person might also identify as "gay" but others may consider gay and bisexual to be mutually exclusive. There are some who are drawn to the same sex but neither engage in sexual activity nor identify as gay; these could have the term asexual applied, even though asexual generally can mean no attraction, or involve heterosexual attraction but no sexual activity.

Some reject the term homosexual as an identity-label because they find it too clinical-sounding; [23] [24] [35] they believe it is too focused on physical acts rather than romance or attraction, or too reminiscent of the era when homosexuality was considered a mental illness.

Conversely, some reject the term gay as an identity-label because they perceive the cultural connotations to be undesirable or because of the negative connotations of the slang usage of the word. Style guides, like the following from the Associated Press , call for gay over homosexual :. Preferred over homosexual except in clinical contexts or references to sexual activity.

There are those who reject the gay label for reasons other than shame or negative connotations. For many ardent feminist lesbians, it was also important that the L come first, lest an L following a G become another symbol of male dominance over women, [39] although other women prefer the usage gay woman. In the s, this was followed by another equally concerted push to include the terminology specifically pointing out the inclusion of bisexual, transgender , intersex , and other people, reflecting the intra-community debate as to whether these other sexual minorities were part of the same human rights movement.

The term gay can also be used as an adjective to describe things related to homosexual men, or things which are part of the said culture. For example, the term "gay bar" describes the bar which either caters primarily to a homosexual male clientele, or is otherwise part of homosexual male culture.

Using it to describe an object, such as an item of clothing, suggests that it is particularly flamboyant, often on the verge of being gaudy and garish. This usage predates the association of the term with homosexuality, but has acquired different connotations since the modern usage developed.

The label gay was originally used purely as an adjective "he is a gay man" or "he is gay". It is sometimes used to refer to individuals, as in "he is a gay" or "two gays were there too," although this may be perceived as derogatory. When used with a derisive attitude e. While retaining its other meanings, its use among young people as a general term of disparagement is common. This usage of the word has been criticized as homophobic.

A BBC ruling by the Board of Governors over the use of the word in this context by Chris Moyles on his Radio 1 show, "I do not want that one, it's gay," advises "caution on its use" for this reason:.

This is a widespread current usage of the word amongst young people The word 'gay' The governors said, however, that Moyles was simply keeping up with developments in English usage. The committee The panel acknowledged however that this use The BBC's ruling was heavily criticised by the Minister for Children, Kevin Brennan , who stated in response that "the casual use of homophobic language by mainstream radio DJs" is:.

To ignore this problem is to collude in it. The blind eye to casual name-calling, looking the other way because it is the easy option, is simply intolerable. Shortly after the Moyles incident, a campaign against homophobia was launched in Britain under the slogan "homophobia is gay", playing on the double meaning of the word "gay" in youth culture, as well as the popular perception that vocal homophobia is common among closeted homosexuals.

Howell, argued that the pejorative use of the word "gay" was a microaggression. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Term referring to a homosexual person. This article is about gay as an English-language term. For the sexual orientation, see Homosexuality. For other uses, see Gay disambiguation. Sexual orientation. Homosexuality Bisexuality pansexuality polysexuality Asexuality gray asexuality Demographics Biology Environment. Social attitudes. Prejudice , violence. Academic fields and discourse.

Queer studies Lesbian feminism Queer theory Transfeminism Lavender linguistics. Main article: Homosexuality. Main articles: Sexual orientation , Sexual identity , and Human sexual behavior.

See also: Situational sexual behavior. Main article: Terminology of homosexuality. Main article: LGBT community. LGBT portal. The Oxford Dictionary of Difficult Words 1st ed. Oxford University Press. Online Etymology dictionary. Archived from the original on 19 February Retrieved 13 February Oxford English Dictionary. Archived from the original on 21 May Archived from the original on 20 April Retrieved 21 April American Psychological Association. Archived from the original on 21 March Retrieved 14 March BBC News.

Archived from the original on 2 February Retrieved 29 May Archived from the original on 1 March Archived from the original on 2 April Retrieved 5 September Punch magazine, Volume 33, , page A stand-alone editorial cartoon, no accompanying article. Archived from the original on 9 February Retrieved 1 July Oscar Wilde Society.

Archived from the original on 4 August Retrieved 4 August OED Third Edition ". June Gay and Lesbian Washington, D. Arcadia Publishing. Cobham Archived from the original on 15 March Retrieved 8 January Archived from the original on 12 November Stone, Sept—Oct Archived from the original on 30 June Retrieved 24 November Carleton, New York, p. Archived from the original on 28 December Retrieved 20 December The Times].

Archived from the original on 1 May Retrieved 19 October Retrieved 24 May Lesbian Nouns". The New Gay. Archived from the original on 24 October Archived from the original on 11 November Archived from the original on 5 December The Times. Archived from the original on 30 May Retrieved 3 May Archived from the original on 20 May Archived from the original on 23 October Archived from the original on 5 May Journal of Sex Research.

The Guardian. Archived from the original on 30 August These days, the description of the quintessential homo has changed to ambiguous at best and less labeled. Damaging stereotypes and generalizations of queers from the older days still linger on today. We gay people are a diverse and broad group of individuals, who come in all shapes and sizes and personalities and dress.

When many people think about gay men, they automatically associate them with certain stereotypes and generalizations, such as feminine behavior or a certain type of clothing. You should know, however, that for every gay man that fits that mold, there is another that does not. Some feel it appropriate to go on these "gay witch hunts" in an attempt to figure out any man that dares wear a pink button down to the company picnic. Should any person be reduced to such superficial characteristics?

Walk past any salon and you'll not only see men in the manicure seat but you'll notice a full line of services for men. Haven't you also noticed the onslaught of male fashion mags and billboards?

These things aren't marketed towards an exclusive group of gay men. Companies are seeking the growing number of men straight or gay that prefer a close shave over a smelly "me-a-man" bum. Straight men are now wearing the latest hairstyles, high-end threads, and jewelry. Now back to the ring on the finger. Nowadays, when a person wears a ring on their right-hand ring finger, it means that he wants to dress up his appearance a bit and that's the only place his favorite ring fits. Besides, his only other alternative may have been the left-hand ring finger, which as you know is reserved for the wedding band.

How to be gay in 10 easy steps | Brian Moylan | World news | The Guardian

Skip to main content. Search form. Recent search terms transgender zeke survivor glaad awards trump accountability project spirit day. Avoid the offensive term "sexual preference," which is used to suggest that being gay, lesbian, or bisexual is voluntary and therefore "curable. Sometimes lesbian n. Avoid identifying gay people as "homosexuals" an outdated term considered derogatory and offensive to many lesbian and gay people.

Some lesbians may prefer to identify as gay adj. Avoid identifying lesbians as "homosexuals," a derogatory term see Offensive Terms to Avoid. People may experience this attraction in differing ways and degrees over their lifetime. Bisexual people need not have had specific sexual experiences to be bisexual; in fact, they need not have had any sexual experience at all to identify as bisexual. Do not use a hyphen in the word "bisexual," and only capitalize bisexual when used at the beginning of a sentence.

Transgender, Transsexual see next section Queer An adjective used by some people, particularly younger people, whose sexual orientation is not exclusively heterosexual e. Once considered a pejorative term, queer has been reclaimed by some LGBT people to describe themselves; however, it is not a universally accepted term even within the LGBT community. The term "gay community" should be avoided, as it does not accurately reflect the diversity of the community.

Avoid the outdated and derogatory term "hermaphrodite. Asexual An adjective used to describe people who do not experience sexual attraction e. A person can also be aromantic, meaning they do not experience romantic attraction.

Also straight. Homosexual see Offensive Terms to Avoid Outdated clinical term considered derogatory and offensive. Homophobia Fear of people attracted to the same sex. Biphobia Fear of bisexuals, often based on stereotypes, including inaccurate associations with infidelity, promiscuity, and transmission of sexually transmitted infections.

Coming Out A lifelong process of self-acceptance. Publicly sharing one's identity may or may not be part of coming out. For example: Ricky Martin is an out pop star from Puerto Rico. Preferred to openly gay. Also openly lesbian , openly bisexual , openly transgender , openly queer. While accurate and commonly used, the phrase still implies a confessional aspect to publicly acknowledging one's sexual orientation or gender identity.

See out above. Closeted Describes a person who is not open about their sexual orientation. Some individuals may be out to some people in their life, but not out to others due to fear of rejection, harassment, violence, losing one's job, or other concerns. Marriage In June , the U.

Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges that every American has the constitutional right to marry the person they love. When reporting on marriage for same-sex couples, preferred terminology includes marriage equality and marriage for same-sex couples.

Note, the terms "gay marriage" and "same-sex marriage" should be avoided, as they can suggest marriage for same-sex couples is somehow different than other marriages. Civil Union Historically used in the U. While many Western countries including the United States have now legalized marriage for same-sex couples, others only legally recognize same-sex relationships through civil unions.

Sodomy Laws Historically used to selectively persecute gay people, the state laws often referred to as "sodomy laws" were ruled unconstitutional by the U. Supreme Court in Lawrence v. Texas Identifying a same-sex couple as "a homosexual couple," characterizing their relationship as "a homosexual relationship," or identifying their intimacy as "homosexual sex" is extremely offensive and should be avoided. As a rule, try to avoid labeling an activity, emotion, or relationship gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer unless you would call the same activity, emotion, or relationship "straight" if engaged in by someone of another orientation.

LGBTQ people are diverse in the ways they lead their lives. The words "admitted" or "avowed" suggest that being attracted to the same sex is somehow shameful or inherently secretive. They seek to be able to earn a living, be safe in their communities, serve their country, and take care of the ones they love. Their commitment to equality and acceptance is one they share with many allies and advocates who are not LGBTQ. As such, the term should be avoided.

Today, words such as "deviant," "diseased" and "disordered" often are used to portray LGBTQ people as less than human, mentally ill, or as a danger to society. If they must be used, they should be quoted directly in a way that clearly reveals the bias of the person being quoted. Such claims, innuendoes and associations often are used to insinuate that LGBTQ people pose a threat to society, to families, and to children in particular.

Such assertions and insinuations are defamatory and should be avoided, except in direct quotes that clearly reveal the bias of the person quoted. Share this Page.

A guide to being gay

A guide to being gay